I still couldn't blow my own nose when I was four years old.
It had not occurred to the adults in my life to teach my how to care for myself.
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Whenever my mother or grandmother got tired of seeing slimy nose gunk run down across my lips, one of them would yell at me for being such a "stupid idiot".
My mom would wipe my nose with a rag until it hurt. My grandmother used a bulb syringe, that had probably never been cleaned, to vacuum out my nostrils.
I kicked and screamed believing I was being tortured.
One day while my oldest cousin and I were at Grandma's house, the de-snotting began, again. As usual, I put up a horrendous fight wanting to have my nose left alone.
When the torturing was done my cousin in a matter of fact way asked me, "Why haven't you learned to blow your own nose?"
I didn't know the answer.
"If your learn to blow your own nose, it wouldn't hurt. You won't cry about it anymore. I will show you how. Here is one of my hankies." She shared something to keep my nose clean and words of wisdom. She was 5.
- Children all need to be taught the basics of self care.
- Children must be supplied with the tools to care for them along with proper instructions on how to use those tools.
- Parents or care givers need basic knowledge on child growth and development to help them know when is the appropriate time for children to do things.
As a child, I also had issues with my long curly hair being in tangles. I didn't have my own hair brush and I certainly had no idea how to use one. I struggled to get free of Grandma's hair brush while she yelled at me some more. Whenever I became too much of a problem for her she switched me until my back side bled.
At age 6 I still didn't know which shoe to put on what foot. My buckles caught on each other making me fall on my face a lot.
I can't forget to mention my stinky poop stained underwear that never got changed.
- Whose responsibility is it to teach a child? It is the parent or parental figure.
- Someone named Einstien said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." If your child isn't catching on to doing things right, ask yourself, "Have I actually told them what or how to do the right way?"Maybe you want to try a different approach than getting angry over and over. It is the adults' responcibilty to make sure the child know how to behave.
I just never got it. I always wondered what I did wrong. I had no idea of how to fix things that made the adults upset with me. The pattern continued for years. I have no memory of anyone teaching me anything about caring for myself, except for my dear cousin, Linda, who taught me the things that my parents should have taught me. Instead they were angry and frustrated with me.
As an adult, I finally realized that the adults in my life had expected me to be a "miniature adult". They were angry at me all the time for being a "child" who didn't know the rules, expectations or the basics. So, I was a nuisance. They were particularly mad when someone pointed out my unkempt appearance. They denied their negligence.
The little me is my inspiration for my passion about teaching infant/child care basics.
My purpose with today's anecdote to is to continue on my mission of being a part of the solution against child abuse and neglect. While I am at it, I love to share knowledge of basic child care.
- There are basic needs that most people understand.
- Not everyone has been taught how to go about helping a child to accomplish developmental milestones.
- Some had poor parental role modeling; like me.
- Others didn't have the opportunity to care for a small child.
- Then, there are those of us you just like to read about things that interest us.
My parents did not have the wealth of information that we have today about what is normal for a child to learn or when to teach them whatever, as they grow. I forgive them. I go on striving to not repeat a neglectful and abusive pattern that I knew.
In my upcoming blogs I will continue to share ideas about growth and development using my daughter's family as things happen.
- The key to figuring out each situation is to have that basic knowledge under the belt. We will make mistakes or wish we had done something better. That is normal. We correct it and go on. I am here to support those who are learning to make good choices.
In future blogs I will address the following and more.
- Learn proper sanitary techniques.
- Learn basic good nutrition.
- Learn basic signs of illness and things to prevent illness.
- Learn about basic child growth and development. What is expected behavior at certain ages.
- Learn some basic techniques that are effective to get a child to listen and follow through.
- Learn how to make some fun STUFF and new games to play.
- Learn problem solving that is appropriate.
I am Malika Bourne the No Non-cents Nanna saying, "Make good choices."